The problem with my library is I'm here all by myself for seven hours a day, most of the time performing tasks that don't fully occupy all of my brain. So I have lots of time to think.
For those of you who know the extent of my anxiety disorder, you know that this is a bad thing.
One little thing could bug me, and, given the opportunity, I will ruminate on it the whole day, and finish by being so worked up that I can't sleep, and therefore need a sedative to get some rest.
What's bothering me today?
My anthropology class, of course.
So the commentary that I worked really hard on in order to compensate for my mark of 6 on the previous one . . . I got a 7.5. And it's too late to do anything about the next one that went in, because I handed it in as I got my other one back. So now it's two weeks until I can do any reparations to my mark by working extra hard.
And of course, it means that what I feared would happen has happened - he's marking me on the basis of what marks he THINKS I've been getting. So much for my string of nines. I haven't really changed my approach all that much, save that I think I'm more conscious now of what I say, but I still say it.
And it's not like I can really talk to him about it. Firstly, he's away on conference for the next two weeks. Secondly, how do you really go up to someone and say, "excuse me, but I believe you are marking me based on an ill-perceived notion of my intelligence?"
It doesn't really work.
So my only hope is to kick ass on the essay that I handed in yesterday (although I'm terrified what he's going to think of it now), and to scrupulously go over my readings and commentaries and pull the best parts and copy the style and try to get back to my nines. There's only one or two more commentaries left in the year, though, and while he will drop my 6, that 7.5 is going to affect my average, as are the marks on the next ones I do.
BLECH.
Posted by Ally at November 14, 2008 08:12 AM