the incredible shrinking woman
MY FEET ARE SHRINKING.
Pish, Ally, you say. Your feet are supposed to expand as you get older and
your body's weight flattens them out. Pish.
Ah, but it's true.
At first, I thought I was crazy. Feet don't shrink. They're not like boobs
or waistlines. They can swell, but they don't shrink below their normal size.
Perhaps, I thought, following the American obesity trend of increasing
clothing sizes to make fat people feel better, they've increased shoe sizes,
and the reason why I have gone from an 8 1/2 to a 7 is because some marketing
executive didn't want some tall clomper like myself to feel bad about her big
feet.
Okay, that's reasonable. But it wouldn't explain why every single one of my
over forty pairs of shoes is now fitting looser than before. My snug sneaks,
which they had only had in the size smaller when I bought them, are now no
longer snug. The slip on sneaks that Cait gave me because they were too big
for her are now too big for me.
My mother suggested that perhaps I had stretched said shoes through constant
wear.
That's fine, except most of my sneaks are plastic or some such variant, and I
don't think they stretch much; however, I was willing to give her the benefit
of the doubt, and conclude that these two possibilities had colluded in my
closet at once.
Then I went to Buffalo and went shoe shopping. Some of the shoes that fit me
were 6 1/2. Interesting, but could still be chalked up to weird American
sizing.
Then,
Today, whilst determining an outfit suitable for work and going out
afterwards, one which would exude professionalism and a desire for spring
(given that it is currently twenty-three degrees celsius outside), I happened
upon a cute pair of heels that I had bought to wear to AfterGrad, some four
years previous, and which, I might add, I have worn precisely three times:
once, to Spring Fling, in April of my graduating year; once, in a performance
of "Summertime" for the benefit of my high school audience, in June of that
auspicious year; and once, for the AfterGrad celebration itself.
Thus, in no way conceivable could I have stretched these shoes, a European
size 37, through constant wear.
And yet, four years later, I find my feet rattling around inside the shoes I
had previously found tight enough to cause blisters, from some of which I
still bear scars!
So this is my conundrum: do feet shrink when people lose weight? Ponder that.
On an unrelated note, my dear brother is lately returned from Paris, from
whence he has brought me -- get this -- A DRESS. And -- wonder upon wonders
-- it fits! Designed to be a night dress, this cute peach-coloured little
number can nevertheless be worn outside as a summer shift. However, it is a
rather brief sort of dress, and so I cannot with any modesty bend over too far
whilst wearing it.
Ergo, here is my second conundrum: it has been so long since I have purchased
them, that I have no idea where one might be kitted out with "girl boxers."
Can anyone help me out on this?
Sunshine, peaches, and well-fitting undergarments,
Out.
Posted by Ally at April 19, 2005 03:44 PM